His story/ Her story: “My wife keeps taunting me because I earn less”

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His story: I was in a very toxic but high-paying job. My girlfriend (now wife) motivated me to follow my passion even if it paid less. Three years later we are married and she keeps taunting me that my salary and our spending are a big mismatch. She complains all the time and my mental health is taking a toll. I see it as plain hypocrisy! What should I do? My previous employers are eager to hire me back but I don’t want to go back into that hell hole! What should I do?

Her story:
Love is blind and I am a classic example of that! I was dating my husband when he was desperately trying to follow his passion but was stuck to a job that paid him very well. I was the one who supported him to quit that job to do what he loves to do! But now we are married and I think maybe I helped him take the wrong decision. So what if the job was hectic, at least it was paying him well. He was the one who’d asked me to quit my job at the time of marriage and since then I have been taking art classes that don’t pay enough. We are not able to manage our finances with this meager salary! On top of that, his friends keep dropping in and he doesn’t know how to say no! His mother also wants occasional gifts. How do we handle the expenses? Please help!

AiR Atman in Ravi
Spiritual Leader and Founder of AiR Institute of Realization and AiR center of Enlightenment

To Him:

When your wife is taunting you that the salary that you earn and the expenses that you both have in the household are a mismatch, is it a reality or is it just a taunt? Think about it calmly. She was the one who inspired you to leave a toxic job and follow your passion, even if it paid less. She wished for the collective well-being of both of you. But now, if things are not working out as expected, you’ve got to understand what is going wrong and accordingly take action to make things work out. You’ve got to survive, you’ve got to exist and you’ve got to be happy! And you can’t continue thinking that you and your wife are separate entities. You are married. You are not two, rather, you are one. You are two bodies but your soul has to be one, your thought process has to be one. Communicate the problem patiently and hear her thoughts as to why and where she thinks the problem lies. It’s time to think together as a couple and solve the problem.

To Her:

Love is blind! Sure. But only when it’s from the mind. When you made a conscious decision to get married, your husband is no more your lover. You both are now, one entity. If you inspired him to leave a job and follow his passion, knowing that it would pay much lesser than the toxic job that he was in, then you should motivate him to make the right decision now too, whether to go back to the old job or not. Love has magic, provided that the love is between two people who genuinely want to make life work together. Communicate your concerns to him and make him understand the mismatch in the expenses and income in a calm and patient way. There is no point in taunting, fighting, arguing, or complaining. You must work on the situation together and find out a solution. Marriage works, provided you don’t think you are two different individuals but one couple. Talk, think and resolve the matter together. Make it work!

Vishal Bhardwaj, Founder and Relationship Coach, Predictions For Success

A toxic work environment can never be a long-term strategy for professional growth. We all work ‘for’ a salary but we all work ‘with’ peace of mind. No creativity or productivity can be expected if we have to drag ourselves every day to a job we hate. On the other hand, following passion by compromising on earnings may seem relaxing but the money calculation always keeps running at the back of our minds. Finding the right balance is tough but not impossible.

To Him

First of all, you made no mistake in leaving a workplace that was taking a toll on your mental and physical health. No salary is worth taking a risk on your health. Professional growth is a must as expenses keep rising. I will recommend you start looking for some other source of income, maybe a part-time job or a new branch in your current profile. The money doesn’t need to come overnight, but the efforts must be put in. Being content at the start of a career is not really a great thing especially when the financial ends are not met.

To Her

You did fantastic work in encouraging your partner to leave a toxic job and work on the passion. You have to understand that building a business takes time and even the results are not gradual. Sometimes we work hard for years without much profit, building a great base and then in just a few months we get rewarded for all the hard work we have done. Patience is the key to any entrepreneurial journey.

You should encourage your partner to reduce the expenses till then and talk about how you both can earn together. If you can work with him to build this together, nothing is better than that. You can also support him by taking a better job because as it happens in cricket if one player is playing a risky game, the other has to hold the wicket.

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