Why Pete Davidson, Nick Cannon and Johnny Depp are cancelled

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As we head into the end of December, it has become clear that 2022 has proved most men, almost all men, should be cancelled. Except for maybe Bob Irwin, but if he breaks Heath Ledger’s niece’s heart, he is also going on the list.

If you were the PR machine behind men this year, you’d be exhausted, angry and frankly a bit pissed off. You’d be sending off fiery and passive-aggressive emails that start with sentences like, “per our last conversation”.

The behaviour of men this year is ultimately damaging their reputation. Let’s recap, shall we?

2022 blessed us with the cringe male behaviour of Adam Levine sliding into women’s direct messages on Instagram and saying things like, “It is truly unreal how hot you are!” Sir, you are married to a woman that is way hotter than you. Please shut up.

It also gave us outrageous behaviour from Tristan Thompson. He cheated on Khloe Kardashian again and fathered a whole new child. Sir, your basketball career will end, but the Kardashian dynasty will live on forever, please wear a condom.

There was also some unnerving male behaviour. Nick Cannon keeps impregnating women rapidly, and technically, there isn’t anything wrong with that, but I don’t like it. He has 10 children, and he is two children away from being able to say, “I have so many children we could fill up a carton of eggs.”

Pete Davidson is also going on the list because I don’t like him constantly getting tattoos of every girlfriend he has, and while I’m on the subject, Travis Barker is on there for making men think it is sexy when you lick your girlfriend’s face. It is not, it is gross, and we prefer a light peck on the cheek like we are a Queen and you are our humble but loyal servant.

I’m telling you, we are in a male crisis. The audacity of men has got the hottest woman in the world, Emily Ratajkowski, reduced to posting TikToks that imply her baby daddy Sebastian Bear-Mcclard cheated on her. Sir, please, know your place was to act as a human handbag for Em-Rata, and anything else is rude.

Not to mention, according to reports, Julie Bishop’s hot boyfriend David Patton broke up with her in a public restaurant. Did no one teach him any manners? Bishop doesn’t need this, especially after the Liberal party chose Scott Morrison instead of her. She’s been treated badly enough by men.

Jokes aside, it has also been an appalling year for men’s behaviour. Kanye West has been sprouting sexist and anti-semitic stuff to anyone who listens. Johnny Depp’s text messages about his ex-wife Amber Heard were read out in court, where he joked about, “burning her!”

The most irritating part of this whole thing is that men are doing just fine. Yes, they are behaving terribly, but they are still thriving.

Depp’s just signed on for another Pirates of the Caribbean movie, Adam Levine’s wife seems to have forgiven him, and Tristin Thompson is still popping up at fabulous Kardashian events. Where is this justice in all of this?

I am sad to report that men have been doing so badly this year. I want them to do well. Why? Well, for purely selfish reasons.

Men make up a large part of the population. I have to work alongside men. I have brothers, a father, even a boyfriend. If men are misbehaving it impacts me too.

So, as we head into 2023, all I can ask for men is to do better. I’d hate for men to start getting tarred with the same brush as women. Imagine if everyone started calling them difficult bitches?

Originally published as Men have behaved so badly in 2022 it might damage their reputautions forever

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